I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
