Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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