i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
