covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
