I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
