my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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