the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
