Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
and you fell through a lawn chair
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
