i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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