Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
