i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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