I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
