Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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