you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
