words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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