got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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