I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
