You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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