Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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