made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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