you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
