I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
