i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
