My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
