It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
