Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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