Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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