Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
