I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
