well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
