this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
