last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
