Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
