Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
