The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
