my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
