she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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