Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
