i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
