Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
