She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
