He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
