No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
