If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The uberlube is also flammable
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