this just has baby written all over it
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
