just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
