i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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