Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Sober January is a disaster.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
