how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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