yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
