If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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